


Wanting You, Needing Him

by Jasons_bamboozlement



Series: Love In The Time of Demons [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Budding Love, Closeted Alec Lightwood, Drunk Alec, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane, I Don't Know How To Tag This Universe, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Memory Alteration, Protective Magnus Bane, Warlock Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21843352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jasons_bamboozlement/pseuds/Jasons_bamboozlement
Summary: All the beer in the world can't get Jace out of Alec's head, but Alec is going to try all the same. Thankfully, there's a helpful warlock waiting in the wings to help him out.__________________________________________________________________He was tired. By the Angel, he was tired.Tired of pretending. Tired of trying to fight who he was. Tired of craving something he knew he could never have.Jace.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Love In The Time of Demons [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573726
Comments: 9
Kudos: 76





	Wanting You, Needing Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, gang! I know a lot of you are looking for the sequel to Tell Me Who Did That To You, and it's in the works - I promise. I'm taking a step out to the Shadowhunters universe but will be back to our beloved Batboys as well!

He was tired. By the Angel, he was tired.

Tired of pretending. Tired of trying to fight who he was. Tired of craving something he knew he could never have.

Jace.

Even thinking his name brought up memories and feelings so strong they threatened to overpower him. Jace’s face after a hunt, when his eyes would light up in a way that lifted Alec’s heart. The way Jace casually brushed the hair out of his face and how much Alec wanted it to be his hand that did it. Watching Jace peel off his gear after training, before he hit the showers, and feeling that heat in his groin as his mind wandered.

Ugh. It was too much. Alec had run out of energy to hold onto this dream. All he wanted was to be rid of it and the feelings attached. So he did his best to make himself numb. And it had worked oddly well. Too well, in fact. Now, Alec could barely feel anything. But it was better than the agony of wanting his own _parabatai_. Wasn’t it?

Which is why he’d wandered here late one night. The neon glow of the bar’s sign blinked, and Alec couldn’t tell if it beckoned him in or warned him to stay out. Either way, he tugged on the heavy wooden door and stepped in.

Inside, the bar was crowded and stuffy. The air smelled like sweat and smoke. A quick glance around told him it was filled with mundanes, which made sense. Downworlders tended to go to their own bars so they could actually be themselves. Alec snorted to himself at the thought; all he’d wanted was to be himself, maybe he wasn’t too far off from a vampire or werewolf.

Threading his way through the bodies standing around, he found the bar. He’d placed a glamour on himself to up his appearance towards 25 instead of 18. He didn’t have a mundane license to throw around, after all.

“What will it be?” The bartender asked, tossing a rag over her shoulder.

“Uh, a beer.”

She smirked at him, “Any preference, or are you going to let me pick for you?”

“What’s your favorite?”

“So really are going to let me pick.” She broke out into a full smile. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”

She turned back to grab a bottle, and Alec groaned internally. He so didn’t need some mundane woman to think he’d been flirting with her. He just had no idea about beer. The only time he’d had any, it had been swiped on a dare. He’d been out on a mission with Jace and….

Thinking his name felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart and stomach simultaneously. The bartender came back just at that moment to set down his drink. He grabbed it immediately and started to chug the liquid, not even tasting it.

“Do you want to open a tab,” she trailed off as she watched Alec gulp down the beer.

He slammed down the empty bottle, gasping and noticing the bitter taste of the beer but not caring. Pulling out two very large bills, he grinned, “Keep them coming until this runs out.”

He’d chugged the second bottle as well. He had no idea how quickly it would take for the beer to start working its magic or how many he’d actually need to get drunk, but he wasn’t going to waste any time.

By the end of the third beer, he’d started to feel a bit of a haze around his thoughts, and the fourth beer brought a light feeling to his limbs. He’d always been taller, and sometimes he felt like a gangly giant next to people. His training made his movements smooth and controlled, but he was never as graceful as Jace who moved like a cat, sure footed and beautiful.

Hmm…Alec noticed, holding his fifth beer, that thought didn’t hurt as much. In fact, it almost felt good. Like he could think about Jace without that awful dread pooling in his stomach. The voice that usually yelled at him ‘This is wrong!’ was silent. He smiled and looked down at the bottle in his hand, maybe he should do this more often.

Deciding to take a look around the place, Alec stood from his place at the bar. He wobbled a little. Huh, guess he was more drunk than he thought. He took a few tentative steps. They were still straight, just kind of weird. Like walking on a rope bridge that someone was rocking back and forth. It was actually…kind of fun. He felt like a kid, back when all the weight of the world wasn’t pressing in on him. He broke out into a full grin and made his way around the bar.

He watched everyone, the girls dancing on the floor, the couples tucked into booths, the guys playing pool. He gravitated towards the pool tables. Nursing the bottle in his hand, he leaned against the wall to watch a particular game. The first man was tall and thin, similar to Alec himself. The second was stocky, full of muscle, his blond hair brushing into his face as he bent down to shoot.

That same feeling grew in his stomach, the feeling of desire that showed up when he watched Jace out of the corner of his eye. If he couldn’t have the real thing, Alec would take a close approximation. What was the phrase his mom used to say to him? Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades? It was hard to care at this point.

He took another sip of his beer. The stranger must have felt Alec’s eyes on him, because he straightened up after sinking a ball. Alec let the lust he felt travel to his eyes and sipped again. The man quirked an eyebrow. Alec smirked.

Setting his cue stick down, the man said a few words to his playing partner and then sauntered over to Alec’s spot on the wall.

“Haven’t seen you here before,” the man said, his voice was a low rumble.

Alec shrugged. “I haven’t been here before. But I’m not unhappy with it.”

“I’m Kyle.” The man held out a hand. “Looks like you’re about out of your drink. Let me get you another.”

Alec hesitated. He was actually feeling pretty buzzed and wasn’t sure he could handle another drink and still have control over his body.

“Oh, I’m okay, thanks” he said, feeling lame and inexperienced.

Kyle put an arm around his waist, and Alec took note of the strength of the man’s arms.

“Oh come on, what’s just one more drink?”

When he smiled, he almost looked like Jace. Alec felt a lurch in his gut.

“Okay, sure,” he nodded, “One more drink.”

Starting for the bar, Kyle turned around. “Now don’t you go anywhere. I’ll be right back, sweetie.”

Leaning on the wall Alec closed his eyes and exhaled. What was he doing? This was reckless, but he couldn’t seem to make himself leave. He’d only have to go back to the Institute and all the baggage it carried. No, that could all wait for a night.

“Here you are,” Kyle’s voice was right next to his ear. Damn, Alec’s reaction time and perception were completely warped. He didn’t even hear Kyle coming. Fingers crossed that Alec didn’t run across any demons on his way home.

“Something on you mind?” Kyle inquired, sipping his own beer and watching Alec with scrutinizing eyes.

“No, nothing important,” Alec shook his head and regretted it. The room was starting to spin just a little. He looked at the bottle in his hand. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said yes to this. I don’t think I can finish it.”

Kyle chuckled, “Don’t worry about it. How about we move somewhere a bit more private?” He ran his fingers down the back of Alec’s hand. Alec’s pulse picked up.

“I-uh, sure,” he heard himself say. It was getting harder and harder to focus on anything.

That strong arm was back, snaking its way around his waist.

“Well then,” Kyle spoke into his ear, “follow me.”

Alec allowed himself to be led towards the back of the bar, where, to his surprise, there was a maze-like hallway. Doors branched off on either side, but without a sign of anyone else. It was dark, and the music was now a faint ‘thump thump thump’ in the background.

Without warning, Kyle pressed him up against a wall.

“You’re fucking hot,” he whispered into Alec’s ear. His breath smelled like beer. It made Alec’s nose wrinkle. “I can’t wait to know what you feel like.” Hands were working their way under his shirt. Alec jumped at the touch.

“I-I’m not sure this is such a good idea,” Alec whispered, trying to catch the hand that was making its way up his torso. His movements were incredibly slow, especially for a Shadowhunter. Suddenly, Alec wanted to be anywhere else. The hand grazing his ribs made him feel nauseous.

“Seriously,” he tried again, this time with more force, “stop.”

Kyle just laughed, but without humor. Alec’s stomach dropped.

“Don’t freeze up on me now,” Kyle growled as he reached for the button on Alec’s jeans. “You’ll like it, just go with it.”

Breath coming faster now, Alec tried to push Kyle’s hands away.

“No, I don’t want to.”

Panic was starting to rise in him, and he could hear the slur in his voice. He couldn’t find the strength to shove the man off him and the room was really starting to spin. And then he said something he hated himself for.

“Please.”

It was quiet and pathetic, and Alec was more ashamed of that than any thought he’d ever had of Jace. He was actually pleading with this disgusting man. Never, in all his years hunting demons had he needed to resort to begging, but here he was, and he felt sick.

“No.” Kyle replied, cold and hard. Alec felt the man’s hand as it made its way into his pants, groping Alec’s flaccid cock.

Alec’s head was too heavy, everything was spinning. He couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but turn his head to the side and close his eyes, hoping it would be over soon.

All at once, the space was too crowded.

“I believe the young man asked very politely for you to stop.”

Alec’s eyes flung open. He knew that voice. Looking over, he came face to face with a flock of black hair streaked with red. His heart did a weird leap.

Kyle looked Magnus Bane up and down as if Magnus were an annoying gnat he was going to swat.

“Who the hell are you?” Kyle growled.

Magnus’s face broke out into the sweetest smile Alec had ever seen.

“I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and you have two seconds to release him.”

Disgust and confusion crossed Kyle’s face. “Look, pal, you can go fu-“

The colorful ending of Kyle’s sentence was cut short. A red ball of light caught him square in the chest, and he hit the opposite wall with a thud. Letting out a huff as his back hit, Kyle slumped to the ground and stayed there.

Examining his nails, Magnus said, “Tut, tut. I even counted to three.” He looked up at Alec with a much more genuine smile than when he’d spoken to Kyle.

Alec didn’t have much of a chance to reciprocate. His balance had decided to abandon him, and suddenly the floor was rushing towards him.

Concern instantly replaced the smile on Magnus’ face as his arms wrapped around Alec. Unlike Kyle’s they were soft and gentle.

“Hey, hey,” Magnus spoke gently, “easy. Let’s get you out of here. Do you think you can walk? My apartment’s only a few blocks away.”

Alec considered that for a moment…or tried to. His vision was starting to fade in and out.

“Mmkay, I can walk…think m’feet are good.”

But one step and a stumble told him he was entirely wrong.

“Okay, cutie,” Magnus said shifting his grip on him. “I’ll create a portal, but you’re going to hate coming out on the other end of it in this state.”

Alec didn’t have a lot of time to argue or process that before he was being walked towards a swirling circle on the wall.

Yup, Magnus was right. Exiting the portal was like drinking in three more beers. Alec was immediately sick.

“Sorry, Mags,” Alec groaned. He felt _awful_.

“Ah,” Magnus let out a beleaguered sigh, “That’s why I keep hardwood floors. Don’t worry, it’s nothing magic can’t clean up.”

Alec didn’t have time to come up with a reply because something else was threatening to come up again. “Bathroom,” was all he managed to get out.

“Yes, once was fine, let’s not make this a repeat performance.” Magnus led him to the bathroom, where Alec was promptly sick again.

“Oh god, I feel terrible.”

“You don’t look that great either,” Magnus said, leaning on the doorframe. “How many drinks did you have tonight?”

“Five? Maybe six?”

“That seems like a smart idea considering I’ve never seen you finish a single drink.”

“I don’t need a lecture, Magnus.”

Magnus put up his hands, “Well, excuse me for expressing concern. I’ll leave you to your night of hugging the toilet.”

Alec was about to argue, but a new wave of nausea hit him, and he turned to throw up again.

Sometime later, and Alec had no clue how long, a cup of liquid made its way in front of his face.

“Here,” Magnus said, offering the teacup to Alec. “It will help with the nausea.”

Taking it from Magnus, Alec examined the contents of the cup. It was a green liquid with a stench that threatened make him sick all over again.

Sensing his reservation, Magnus added, “It tastes better than it smells. Trust me.”

The last two words woke up something inside of Alec, and he took a gulp of the mixture without further hesitation. Magnus was right, it did taste better. It was kind of a licorice flavor, and it seemed to help quell his stomach. He wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

“Thanks,” he said, offering the cup back. He couldn’t bear to look Magnus in the eye yet.

“Don’t mention it,” Magnus took the cup and set it aside. “Would you like a bed to sleep in, or are you happy spending the night here on the floor?”

Alec took stock of his body. His limbs were stiff, and the floor was cold. He most definitely did not want to stay by the toilet all night.

“I’ll take the bed,” he said, moving to stand up.

A gentle hand cupped his arm. “Easy,” Magnus said. “You’ve had a hard night.”

Alec was about to argue that he could manage to get himself to the bed, but he tripped and stumbled into Magnus’ hold.

“Thanks,” Alec mumbled as embarrassment crept over him.

Smiling, Magnus walked him to the bedroom. “Don’t mention it, Alexander.”

Alec woke up to find sunlight streaming on his face. He went to sit up and regretted it. His head was pounding, and any movement appeared to aggravate what could only be described as the world’s worst headache. He groaned.

As if called by the sound, Magnus’s head popped in through the bedroom door.

“Feeling okay, cupcake?” He looked far too cheery for a morning like this.

“I feel like shit,” Alec summarized. “My head’s killing me.”

A knowing smile crept into Magnus’ face. “Yes, a heavy night of drinking can do that, even to a Shadowhunter.” Actual sympathy crossed Magnus’ face when Alec groaned again and fell back on the pillows. “Hold on, I have just the thing for that.” And he disappeared back into the main part of the apartment.

Returning with a tray, Magnus set it down on the nightstand with a flourish.

“Okay, first things first,” he said, hands circling over the tray looking for what he wanted. “Let’s handle that headache. Then you might be up for a little food.”

At the mention of food, Alec’s stomach rumbled, but was quickly squelched by another throb of his head. He groaned once more.

A gentle hand helped tilt his head up. “Drink,” Magnus said softly.

Without protest, Alec opened his lips. The liquid slid down his throat. It felt like a warm fire spreading through his limbs. He took another sip and laid his head back on the soft, satin pillows. Closing his eyes, he let the warmth fill him.

After a few minutes, Magnus spoke. “Better?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Good. Now, how about some food. I made a delicious eggs benedict. Seriously,” Magnus whispered conspiratorially, “people have fought me for this hollandaise sauce.”

Alec was about to protest that simple toast was his regular breakfast, but a fork full of egg was being wafted under his nose. And…wow…it smelled _good_. He opened his mouth without a second thought.

He couldn’t help the small moan that escaped his mouth. The flavor was…perfect; tangy and rich, and he savored the bite as he chewed.

Magnus had a look of almost shock on his face, and something else Alec couldn’t place. In any case, it was immediately shaken off and replaced with a smug smile.

“Told you. Here.” He handed Alec the fork and plate. “Eat up.”

Shifting so he was sitting more upright, Alec took the offering and began to devour the food. After a few bites, he realized Magnus was still sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him with that same expression. What was it? Indulgence? Alec stared back.

“Oh,” Magnus startled and looked around for something to do with his hands, “I’ll just…get your clothes.” He bounced off the bed and went to the other room.

Alec looked down, just now realizing that this was not the plain black shirt he’d left the Institute with. It was a silky evening shirt in a deep maroon that looked luxurious. There were buttons down the front, but the top one was left undone, exposing just a touch of his dark chest hair. Alec’s pulse picked up at the thought of Magnus undressing him. He tried to remember when that had happened. Actually…he tried to remember any part of last night.

He remembered the bar, and his first few drinks. He remembered a dark hallway…feeling uncomfortable…Magnus…and…and that was it.

“Magnus?” Alec hollered into the next room.

“Yes, pumpkin?” Magnus’s reply came from around the doorway.

“What happened last night? I can’t remember…anything.”

There was a very pregnant pause. Magnus seemed to have stopped moving around the apartment. For a moment, Alec worried he hadn’t heard. Then Magnus’s head, followed slowly by his body, came into view around the doorframe. If possible-although Alec had never seen this emotion on him-Magnus looked abashed.

“I…ahem…might have…taken your memories from last night.” He fiddled nervously with the rim of the bowl he was holding.

Alec sat bolt upright. “You did what?!”

Magnus held up a placating hand. “I promise it was for good reason. I never intended to keep them.”

Leaping out of bed, Alec rounded on Magnus and backed him into the wall. “You had no right to do that! Give them back. Give them back now!”

Magnus put a firm hand on Alec’s chest.

“Alexander, please trust me that I did this for your own protection,” Magnus’s eyes looked up, pleading and honest. When Alec didn’t relax, Magnus sighed. “You can have the memories back, but you may want to sit down first.”

With a huff and a glare, Alec moved toward the bed, never taking his eyes off Magnus. Magnus rolled his eyes and said, more to himself, “So much for trying to be helpful.”

Sitting next to Alec on the bed, he put his hands up to hover on either side of his head. Alec flinched back. Magnus let out another sigh.

“It’s not going to hurt. Just stay still.”

With reluctance, Alec did as he was told. Magnus could undoubtedly see the stress in the stiff way Alec sat. Blue light swirled around Alec’s temples, and a weird sensation came over him, like emerging from underwater and suddenly being able to hear the world again.

Magnus put a steadying hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Take it easy.”

But Alec hadn’t heard. He was too busy watching the evening fly in front of his eyes. The loud music, the sour taste of the beer, and the awful encounter in the hallway. Alec’s breath started to pick up. His eyes roamed unfocused until they landed on Magnus’s hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” shouted Alec, shoving Magnus’s hand away and bolting blindly to the wall.

Not moving from his spot, Magnus said softly, “Alexander, I’m so sorry.”

“I – how did this happen?” As he slid down the wall, Alec looked pleadingly at Magnus for a respite Magnus could not offer.

Moving slowly toward the young Shadowhunter, Magnus reached out and clasped Alec’s trembling hand.

“Everybody, even Shadowhunters, can find themselves in trouble they can’t get out of. You are not to be blamed, Alexander. Not even by yourself.”

Alec sat, staring at his hand in Magnus’s. There was a warmth there Alec hadn’t noticed before. It was oddly calming. But he couldn’t dwell on that. He needed to get out of here, go back to the Institute, go back to his normal life. Pushing the thought of Magnus’s hand down and collecting himself, he stood back up, towering over the warlock.

“I need to go,” stated Alec without emotion. As Alec tried to shove past a shocked Magnus, an arm shot out to stop him. Alec turned with a glare, ready for a fight, but was met only with pitying eyes.

“You can’t keep running, Alexander,” Magnus said, soothingly. “Eventually you’ll need to make peace. The only question is do you want to do it alone or with help.”

Magnus held out a hand. Alec had never sought help from anyone, let alone a Downworlder. As much as he wanted to walk out, Alec couldn’t bring his feet to move. He was tired, confused, and finally ready to lay down some of his burdens. He reached out tentatively for the steady hand Magnus still held between them. That warmth returned. Alec felt an odd sense of trust for this strange warlock.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for making it all the way through! I hope you enjoyed it! I love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
> 
> And thanks a million to my lovely co-pilot on this one! Love you, Herondale Babysitter's Club!


End file.
